we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
a search helicopter?!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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