I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
