Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
