Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
