I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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