So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
