i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
