Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
