you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize