She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
