she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
