My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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