we have pet lesbian snakes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
