We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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