3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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