I cockslap morals
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
