Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
