SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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