I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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