Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Randomize
