Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
