i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
