Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She needs sedatives and a leash
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
try to milk me bitch
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