Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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