Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
