He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
