She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
