Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
