I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
