We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
