You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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