so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
