That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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