we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
