is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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