i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
