I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
