she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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