So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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