Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
