pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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