I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
