dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
