the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
