I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
