shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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