i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
