Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
