This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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