It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
