Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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