I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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