Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
