I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have post one night stand depression
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
