She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
