I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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