this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
