I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish you could order shots online.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize