I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
