the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize