Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
