Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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