before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
