I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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