is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
