What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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