Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
